Posts Tagged ‘what is love?’

I Dare You To Move

Posted: December 30, 2012 in equal rights, life lessons, love, Politics, self-help
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Kindness is contagious!

Kindness is contagious!

 

 

I believe that everything happens for a reason. Life truly amazes me and I find the irony hard to swallow at times. I also find that the  way things are right there when I need them to be a little bit more uncanny than just coincidence sometimes. I truly feel that I am watched over and blessed. Could this be something that my mind makes up, just to make me feel better? Perhaps … anything is possible … but they DO say that ignorance is bliss. I’m a blissful person these days.

This morning I woke up thinking about the girl I am trying to get home to see. Never in my entire life have I felt more accepted and understood by someone. She accepts all my little quirks, my writing and she even tells me that she feels so connected and moved by my writing. That word that she said was stuck in my head … she felt moved. This was going around and around in my head this morning and I pondered things. I thought about the things that had moved me, in days gone by and in my present. I remembered a guy I had known named Lance.

Lance was very short. He’d been born with a congenital heart defect and while growing up, he’d had to have many surgeries as he grew, to accommodate for the growth in his heart. The doctor’s would go in and make repairs so that he could live. Lance told me one time, over a few beers, that he had died five times on the operating table. He told me that each time he had out of body experiences that he couldn’t explain. Lance told me unbelievable details of the light, looking down on his body, meeting with peers on the other side that were his mentors. He recalled in detail the conversations that they’d had. He remembered that there were five of them, he swears we all have five people on the other side who act on our behalf at all times. He explained to me that our lives were a road map that we had taken a part in planning before we were born.

Lance told me that we all chose the things were supposed to learn in this life, before we were born into it. He told me that we chose the hardships, knowing that when it happened to us, our soul would not remember our planning. It was meant to purify us and teach us. It was the chance to grow from experiences and become greater than we were. It is all in the name of education. He dramatically recalled his ‘conference’ with his mentors and how they told him where he’d made progress and where he needed more work. Then he described how he felt himself sucked back into the body and would wake in recovery. It happened to him each time that his heart had ceased to beat, while hooked to bypass for the repairs he would need to continue living.

I highly doubt that Lance knows that the conversations we had almost 20 years ago would shape me the way that they do now.  Especially considering the fact that I would often get so drunk with Lance that I’d need to be driven home. I was very close to being an alcoholic. I think I was trying to dull the pains that I felt over being gay, crushing on straight women and always thinking that there was no one out there for me. I truly believed that I was going to live a solitary life.

All these years later, I’ve come to learn that none of us are solitary. We are all touched by the world around us at all times. The repercussions of my conversation with Lance, from the year 1989, to the man who asked me to help him with his computer last night, to the gentleman who offered me advice on where to get tires this morning. We all touch each other. It wasn’t until this morning that I made the connection of this song and daring someone to “move” – realizing that you don’t just move yourself….you move EVERYTHING with every move you make.

Your movement moves the air around you, molecules pass around the planet because of the breeze you create. I don’t care who you are and how insignificant you think you may be. You touch thousands of people, even with just intentions. Molecules can carry charges, positive or negative. Thoughts are electrical impulses, traveling along molecules. People can catch a ‘vibe’ because it really is a thing! I’ve come to realize that every good thought I put out there is coming back to me, tenfold. I’m happy. I am happy in a way that I have never felt happiness before.

DJ said to me that she was happy for me that I’d found this happiness and resolved myself with my life and come to terms with my past. She gets it! How can she possibly be so wise? She’s amazing … but she really gets it all and she gets me. This just makes my happiness and my amazement with life feel as if it may overflow. Then it hits me … it is supposed to. How many of you feel better when you read this? Can you carry this mood to the next person in some way?? Imagine a world where your thoughts can attract similar things to you. This is the world in which you live!!

Surround yourself with happiness and happy people. When you see someone who is sad, reach out to them and do something that makes them happy. Spread joy and love and plant the seeds of love wherever you can. Tend to this garden each day and watch it grow in your life.  I dare you to make your life and the world a better place. You will reap what you sow. I may be one person, but I realize that this one person is reaching thousands of others and if you all reach thousands, then that turns into millions in no time. We can make the world a happier place. My friends,  today I dare you to move by moving others!

 

http://www.randomactsofkindness.org/

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/07/27/random-acts-of-kindness-believe-in-the-human-race_n_1680813.html

http://now.msn.com/random-acts-of-kindness-photo-gallery

http://www.givesmehope.com/category/8/Random+acts+of+kindness

 

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What This Butch Is Into

Posted: November 4, 2012 in erotica, gay lesbian, lesbian, life lessons, love, self-help, Uncategorized
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Hey everyone!

I get asked a LOT of questions. Some of them get pretty personal sometimes. I’m a fairly open person ( more open than the woman I love would prefer me to be most of the time ) so I am going to try to sum it all up for you all. In the future when people ask me, I’ll just send them the link to this blog. :)

First of all, I’ll add most anyone as a friend on Facebook. The reason for this is NETWORKING. It’s called social networking! I am a writer and the easiest and cheapest way for me to market my books is by using Facebook and by doing this blog!

The downside to adding so many people, especially those who are already readers of my books, is that they can get pretty flirtatious and overly nosy. When someone requests that I add them and within 2 minutes I start getting messages from them that start off as “so what is your type of woman?”, I know I’m in trouble. I find myself caught between hurting someone’s feelings, having to block them if they don’t quit, or actually pissing them off. I’ve inadvertently done the latter. I don’t mean to.

You see, even though I write the type of books that I do, I’m a bit awkward in social situations and relationships and/or interactions with other people. I’m not good at it! Don’t believe me? Stick around a lil’ while and you’ll see! I’m just a person. I make mistakes and I’m socially awkward from time to time. I like people and I’m outgoing most of the time but I’m also very reclusive sometimes and keep a lot to myself.

So let me make this as clear as I can. First of all: I am not single. I realize that my status on Facebook says that I am single. That’s simply because I’m not at the place with the person that I’m seeing, to be able to make any declarations about status. SHE thinks that stuff is pretty stupid and I see her point. It puts me, however, in the position of constantly having to explain myself. SHE thinks it is no one’s business. Again, I see her point but I do feel like I owe people an explanation when I have 1700 ‘friends’ who are mostly fans, plus an additional 460 fans on a fan page and another 400 people on Twitter who follow me. You all deserve to know the truth, I think? Maybe it’s just that I’m tired of being asked?

The truth? You can’t handle the truth! (sorry, I just had to go there!) Seriously, Jack Nicholson jokes aside, I moved from another state to be where I am not because I love this woman. I made some mistakes and said things that hurt her feelings and dissolved much of her trust in me a few months ago. I’m lucky that she’s even talking to me at all and I realize this. She has made me want to be a better person.

Please, understand that I’ve heard others say this my whole life and it has made me smirk and be overly cynical but I finally get it now! I have never believed in soul mates but I’m beginning to wonder if she is mine … she’s made me grow and change in so many positive ways in just a few short months. She has no idea of the mission she has accomplished! I surely wonder if she’s an angel, at the very least. I know that she was placed in my life by God. I believe this with all my heart. I have a trust and a faith in our relationship that’s hard for me to explain. It doesn’t have to be anything. I don’t need a definition anymore. It is fine just being whatever it is and I see no reason not to just let it evolve however it is going to all by itself. I feel good about taking it slow right now.

Fact is, I love her. The things I feel for her make the things I felt for anyone before seem so insignificant and silly. I trust her, I know she’s there even when she isn’t physically there. So what I’m sexually into is really no one’s business. I’m just into her. That’s all you need to know. I write a LOT of things; loads of different scenarios. Have I lived them all? Done them all? Just dream about them? That’s for me to know and you all to wonder. ;)

I can tell you a few things I’m into:

Being faithful, growing as a person at all times, nerdy books and television shows, politics (please refer to ‘nerdy television shows), chocolate, walking barefoot on the beach, puppy breath, flowers, the simple things in life, fresh air, looking out over 120 acres of corn and remembering where I’m from, nature, warm cookies fresh from the oven, tree hugging, music, laughing babies, borrowing the children of my friends when I need to remember what the world looks like through their eyes, carnivals, bonfires with friends, fishing, the Steelers, eating hotdogs at the ballpark, laughing whenever possible, peace and quiet, the loyalty of an old dog, God (which probably should have been first but I didn’t wanna scare you into thinking this was a sermon), sunrises and sunsets, the mountains, foggy mornings, history, playing with bones – especially those of australopithecus aferensis (again refer to ‘nerdy books’ comment), photography, writing, doing things that make other people smile, driving, helping people when I can, enjoying good conversations with people, learning something new, and being very much in love with a woman that I really hope will be the last person I ever kiss.

What You Are

Posted: August 8, 2012 in gay lesbian, lesbian, life lessons, love, self-help
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Love is made of many things. It isn’t always pretty, but it IS always unique. Photo courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net

You have it in your head that you aren’t what I want or need. You’ve listened to what I have said and/or written about what I want in a woman. Of all the times to listen to what I am saying, you choose that? Oh my love, let me tell you what I think about you and what you mean to me…let’s talk about what you are.

I wish my soul had a zipper installed so I could just open myself up. Then you’d be able to peek inside and you’d know that what I am about to say to you is true.

When I look into your eyes, I see my world reflected back at me, with a new hope that I never had before. Every breath I have ever breathed in my entire life has brought me here to you. I feel that I’ve arrived somewhere that I was supposed to be all along. It isn’t a place, it isn’t a thing or a particular accomplishment; its simply being at your side and a feeling that this is where I belong.

When you speak to me, I admit it … I’m guilty of not always hearing the words you are saying. I’m overwhelmed with the sounds coming from you and I hear your emotions instead of the words. This isn’t always good, but I feel that it’s my soul trying desperately to hear the song coming from your soul. I hear your sadness, your fears, your insecurities and your worries, even when your words try to tell me something different. In and of itself, this isn’t so bad but what gets to me is knowing that you are doing the very same thing to me because our souls are speaking a language to each other and you and I are just following along in a strange dance that we no longer have any control of.

It’s true. You know it is. No matter what has happened between us, we find ourselves back where we are supposed to be … next to each other. You make me crazy, and you calm me down all at the same time. You find a way to make me feel loved, even when you don’t say it … I know. I hear all the words that you do not say. Your eyes tell me all that I need to know. I see you searching my own for meaning, for acceptance and for understanding. Your eyes plead with my own from time to time. What do they say? “Give me what I need to trust you. Please.”

You’re right. You aren’t any of those things on my list. You challenge me, you question me, you say and do things on a regular basis that force me to look at myself and it is sometimes painful. At best, it is uncomfortable. You are amazing. You look at me and you see me and you still keep coming back. You are crazy. You are beautiful. I don’t understand you. I love you. I’m afraid of you. I trust you with my life. I want you. I run from you. I’m terrified. I’m happier than I have ever been in my entire life.

You want me to hold you. You tell me you aren’t ready yet. You dream about me. You tell me that you want to be alone. You close your eyes and imagine that I am there with you, don’t you? When I ask to be with you, you make excuses for why the time isn’t right or the trust isn’t there yet. I imagine that you are next to me every night when I go to bed. We are exactly alike. We couldn’t be more different. Just shut-up and hold me. Let me hold you. Don’t tell me you love me. See if I care. I know you do. I know you want me to touch you. I want to hold your hand. I want to touch your face. I want it all. I want you.

Baby girl, I’m content to take our time but I remind you that any time that we waste, we will never get back. Don’t keep me away from you if you want me there. Don’t deny me the chance to be with you and offer you comfort when you need it. Don’t give us any reasons to build any more regrets. Don’t forgive me right this instant. That’s okay. Just stop persecuting me for yesterday and making today suffer. Let me be there today and let yesterday fade in time. Tomorrow will work itself out. I’ll say it again. You need say nothing, just reach for me and you’ll find me there.