Everything is in pieces. It’s always been that way.
For anyone with ADD, ADHD or other learning disability. No one understands. People can’t see your issue. People tell you they understand when they don’t. They forget. If you’re a parent, your children will be judged, labeled, medicated and treated like they are just bad. I have ADHD.
From http://www.livestrong.com:
A person with ADHD might have problems expressing himself or communicating with others as a result of the presence of other undiagnosed mental health problems. People with ADHD commonly have co-existing mental health disorders that include, but are not limited to, learning disorders, autism spectrum disorders and mood disorders. While having ADHD itself will impact a person’s ability to communicate, the presence of any of these other disorders will also impede a person’s normal communication skills.
My Morning:
It was dark this morning when I woke-up. I’d only been asleep a few hours. That damned John Mayer song is playing in my head again. Shut the fuck up, John! Can’t you see I’m trying to sleep?? I don’t know what time it is. Where’s my watch. I always sleep with my watch on, why not last night? Oh…that’s right, I’ve been itchy. I was scratching … where did I take it off?
Geesh, I’m itchy. I wish I didn’t bite my nails, then I could scratch better. Where is that metal ruler I used the other night to scratch my back..it’s here somewhere. I feel around in the dark. There it is. I scratch my back and eventually end with my legs. I wonder if it is possible to scrape a hole in my leg? I’m probably bleeding. I can’t see. It’s dark. I should be more careful, I’m diabetic. These scratches and bites could really get infected. Well, maybe I’m not really diabetic anymore. My readings have been normal recently. Wait…when was the last time I checked? I really haven’t been eating very well lately. I think I want donuts for breakfast. I haven’t had donuts in a really long time. I want coffee too. Where can I get that? I really should look for my test kit.
John…shut-up…seriously. Maybe if I take a hot shower this itching will stop? Captain is sitting there staring at me now. God, what a good dog he is. I know he wonders why in the hell I’m scratching like this. Fucking Florida bugs. At least I haven’t seen any roaches. I really hate roaches. “Okay, Cappy…let me get your breakfast.” He really is a good boy…he’s dancing down the hallway now. He really would like Karma. Sigh. Doubt that’s going to happen.
I reach for the dog food, the cat starts crying. I grab the cat food instead. The dog sighs. John is still singing. I’m still wondering if hot water will help. I’ve been awake 5 or 10 minutes. Where IS my friggin’ watch??
People don’t understand me. I’m used to it. It doesn’t hurt any less. It just is. I have autistic tendencies at times. I have auditory processing issues. I get agoraphobic and have panic attacks when I’m in crowds. I have a soundtrack that plays in my head all the time, 24 hours a day. I assume it plays in my sleep, it plays all day long and is there first thing when I open my eyes. I have a tendency to get depressed, because of all the other issues. The doctor calls it “situational depression”, slaps a prescription in my hands and pats me on the back on the way out the door. I’ve learned “detachment” in self-defense. I walk away. Isn’t the first time, probably won’t be the last. It doesn’t hurt any less. It just is.
