Posts Tagged ‘butch femme’

It’s a sunny but chilly day today. I watch the cars drive in and drive out. Almost all of them are speeding and whizzing by as if trying to win a race. Frenzied and in that angst that overwhelms the holiday shoppers, they’ve all temporarily lost their sanity and any good judgment that they may have ever had.

The store is closed today – it is Thanksgiving. Even silent is the bell of the Salvation Army’s bell-ringer, whom I have passed with disdain these past few days. I wonder to myself if they have noticed a decline in donations after the public became aware of their support of anti-gay legislation and such? It crosses my mind that the boycotting could be carried a step further and letters and emails could be sent to these stores, demanding that they not allow the group to use their store fronts for such things anymore.

This morning I was awakened by the crows calling loudly. Caw! Caw! Caw! My cats were in the windows, ears perked-up and meowing back at the vile birds as they hopped back and forth across the roof of my RV. The only one who is not disturbed is the dog. He’s grown deaf in recent months and he sleeps a peaceful, innocent sleep now. No longer is he my protector; it is I who have become his guardian, yet again. We’ve returned to the days when he was a pup and I watched over his every move like a concerned parent. No longer can my smart fella walk off his leash with me, for he cannot hear me call him away from danger or tell him to stay when need be. Now he prances and wiggles at the end of his leash, turning to look back and check to make sure I am still there at the end of the leash. “Yes, sweet boy, it is still ME holding your leash.”

This is the parking lot that we’ve made our temporary home. From inside the RV I watch the world go on around us and I have had much time to think and reflect. I may not have much, but I also don’t think that I have the stresses that most of the world has either. Ten cars have come and gone as I have written this much. Are the rolls that they forgot for their Thanksgiving dinner really this important?

In the distance, I can hear an angry man screaming. It is just after 10 am and he is cursing, “fucking, fuck fuck fuck! Fucking BITCH! I didn’t wanna do this anyway….” I wonder what HE forgot?

I think I view the world differently than most people do. I don’t care about money very much. I’d rather be poor than have that guy’s stress. I don’t even care about food all that much anymore. When I have it, I eat. When I don’t, I don’t. If I get to a point that it has been more than ten days and I find myself getting weak or feeling sick, I have learned where to go and I can get help now. It took me time in a new city to figure this out. I know where all the food banks are at. I pick out all the canned meats they give me and feed it to the dog and cats. I don’t typically eat meat anyway and I’m responsible for them so I make sure that they get their fair share too.

Today is a good day, I think. I have money this week, so I am eating. Today, for Thanksgiving, we are having spaghetti, right here in the parking lot – our parking lot today. This is the first meal that I’ve cooked and eaten hot in almost three months at home, here in the RV. Since July, I have lived without electricity. I’ve concluded that as long as I have a can opener, I am capable of eating most things straight from the can. I use free wifi at businesses to do my work all week. So for me, it really is Thanksgiving. I have much to be thankful for. I see all the little things….and I’m not that screaming guy.

They are fighting again. Another car speeds by, stops at the doors to the Publix and then squeals away, obviously pissed-off that others had the day off too?

Tuesday, I told the woman who I love that I didn’t want to see her anymore. It causes me too much pain. I do love her but she doesn’t see the real me. She lives in another world and I don’t have the ability to make her see mine. I tried but her eyes just cannot focus on things that she cannot begin to even imagine. It is like all along she’s had an image of what I am in her head that isn’t really me. I can’t live up to it. I quit trying.

She’s a good person, she really is, but she’s very damaged in her own way. I think she’s more damaged than I am. I would have accepted all her faults and quirks, because I was capable of looking the other way and thinking that some of it was even funny. I have made some of her damage worse, because I have vehemently stood up for myself and tramped on her feelings a few times in the process. We both had damage and I don’t think we have been good for each other, love or not. The only thing I have accomplished with her is the hurt her feelings while she remains clueless about things.

When I was laying in a hospital bed a month ago, wondering if I was going to live or die and in so much pain that they were shooting me full of morphine, the only thing I thought about was how I felt about her. Yet, she didn’t bother to call or even offer to come and see me. I took it as her way of not wanting to be seen involved with a woman. She still passes as straight, lives in a straight world and enjoys straight privilege. In recent months I have texted her that I missed her and she never, not one time could bring herself to say “I miss you too” or anything even remotely like that.

In the past six months I have lived without electricity for the most part. I have gone without food for extended periods of time. I have read my bible by the light of street lamps and I have sat in libraries and restaurants (when I had money) to use their wifi and do work, bid on work and write my blog and work on my next book. In that time I have been stiffed by two clients for $478, when I was starving, literally. I was in the process of being evicted.

I never asked her for anything, but when I sent too many emails to her (probably because down deep I was frantic and worried and stressed and looking for any kind of friend or someone to listen), she called me needy. The St Vincent De Paul society came through for me and gave me a 30 day bus pass so I could get to the soup kitchen and pantry. Finally, I could eat daily! I remember the first day I stood in line with homeless people, men and women were all in the same boat as me. In fact, I was better off because even though I may have to park in parking lots, I had a bed that went with me everywhere.

The abandoned parking lot that my RV in far background made home for Thanksgiving Day.

Through it all, the woman I loved would call once in a while, talk about how hectic her work schedule was, how awful her patients were from time to time, going out to eat with other friends, how she didn’t understand why I spent so much time on Facebook even though I have told her a thousand times it is how I network and sell my books and market my blog. She would tell me that I wasn’t hearing her when she was telling me what she wanted/needed. I’d think to myself that I was starving, had been in the hospital and she couldn’t even call me and she wanted me to hear HER? This is when I began to realize that I didn’t love her anymore. In fact, I had grown to resent her. All I ever wanted was to be accepted, to be given some kind of affection … a hug once in a while. In six months, I haven’t been hugged, kissed or even touched first by her. She said to me one day, “you know if you had a car we’d see more of each other.” She hadn’t even listened to me talk about not being able to afford food or rent or having chest pains before I went in the hospital … but she thought if I had a car we could see more of each other.

Don’t get me wrong. Through the entire ordeal of the last 9 months of my life, I have a lot to be thankful for. I heard God speak to me and I’ve been able to let go of a lot of pain and agony from my life, especially my childhood. This woman who has hurt me so many times also helped me by being the catalyst that pushed me to these things … so I don’t regret knowing her or coming here, but I realize that the time of being useful to each other has passed. I can learn nothing else from her now. It’s time to move on.

In the last six months I have published 6 books and I have 2 more on the way. In June I started this blog, which now has over 2100 followers. I have a fan page with almost 500 fans and nearly 500 followers on Twitter too. I am getting back on my feet now and I have that to be thankful for. My old dog may not be what he used to be, but he understands how to show me that he loves me and I’m really thankful for his hugs and his kisses.

Today, I am thankful for this parking lot. There’s a guy in a car parked not far away. He’s drinking straight from a bottle of booze in the front seat. I bet he hates his life today. It’s sad. I should but I don’t. I feel sorry for this guy. Here I sit, with paper and pen – I’ll type it out tomorrow when somewhere with wifi is open. I’m armed with my cell phone and I am alive. I have food. There is a bed in here. I don’t want or need much else, except I guess to be loved for who and what I am. For someone to realize that this simple way of life is sort of what I am best at. I survive for a living in many ways.

Today, I want to remind you all that you should be thankful for what you have. Be thankful if you have love. Be thankful for every friend you have ever had, every person you have ever loved regardless of how it ended because they served a purpose in your life. If you don’t see that, then you have not learned your lesson. If you forget the butter or the rolls today, tomorrow and or any other day, eat the rolls with gravy instead. Be thankful you are eating because there are many who do not. There were a lot of people who had no one around or a big meal to boast about on Thanksgiving day.

Just CHOOSE to be okay with what you have! You will survive. You’d be surprised at what we can survive when we have to. God bless you all, from my parking lot to your home … remember that we are all just temporarily parked in the parking lot of life and eventually our space will be vacant. Enjoy the parking lot while you can.

 

Love,

Jesse

About these ads

Hey everyone!

I get asked a LOT of questions. Some of them get pretty personal sometimes. I’m a fairly open person ( more open than the woman I love would prefer me to be most of the time ) so I am going to try to sum it all up for you all. In the future when people ask me, I’ll just send them the link to this blog. :)

First of all, I’ll add most anyone as a friend on Facebook. The reason for this is NETWORKING. It’s called social networking! I am a writer and the easiest and cheapest way for me to market my books is by using Facebook and by doing this blog!

The downside to adding so many people, especially those who are already readers of my books, is that they can get pretty flirtatious and overly nosy. When someone requests that I add them and within 2 minutes I start getting messages from them that start off as “so what is your type of woman?”, I know I’m in trouble. I find myself caught between hurting someone’s feelings, having to block them if they don’t quit, or actually pissing them off. I’ve inadvertently done the latter. I don’t mean to.

You see, even though I write the type of books that I do, I’m a bit awkward in social situations and relationships and/or interactions with other people. I’m not good at it! Don’t believe me? Stick around a lil’ while and you’ll see! I’m just a person. I make mistakes and I’m socially awkward from time to time. I like people and I’m outgoing most of the time but I’m also very reclusive sometimes and keep a lot to myself.

So let me make this as clear as I can. First of all: I am not single. I realize that my status on Facebook says that I am single. That’s simply because I’m not at the place with the person that I’m seeing, to be able to make any declarations about status. SHE thinks that stuff is pretty stupid and I see her point. It puts me, however, in the position of constantly having to explain myself. SHE thinks it is no one’s business. Again, I see her point but I do feel like I owe people an explanation when I have 1700 ‘friends’ who are mostly fans, plus an additional 460 fans on a fan page and another 400 people on Twitter who follow me. You all deserve to know the truth, I think? Maybe it’s just that I’m tired of being asked?

The truth? You can’t handle the truth! (sorry, I just had to go there!) Seriously, Jack Nicholson jokes aside, I moved from another state to be where I am not because I love this woman. I made some mistakes and said things that hurt her feelings and dissolved much of her trust in me a few months ago. I’m lucky that she’s even talking to me at all and I realize this. She has made me want to be a better person.

Please, understand that I’ve heard others say this my whole life and it has made me smirk and be overly cynical but I finally get it now! I have never believed in soul mates but I’m beginning to wonder if she is mine … she’s made me grow and change in so many positive ways in just a few short months. She has no idea of the mission she has accomplished! I surely wonder if she’s an angel, at the very least. I know that she was placed in my life by God. I believe this with all my heart. I have a trust and a faith in our relationship that’s hard for me to explain. It doesn’t have to be anything. I don’t need a definition anymore. It is fine just being whatever it is and I see no reason not to just let it evolve however it is going to all by itself. I feel good about taking it slow right now.

Fact is, I love her. The things I feel for her make the things I felt for anyone before seem so insignificant and silly. I trust her, I know she’s there even when she isn’t physically there. So what I’m sexually into is really no one’s business. I’m just into her. That’s all you need to know. I write a LOT of things; loads of different scenarios. Have I lived them all? Done them all? Just dream about them? That’s for me to know and you all to wonder. ;)

I can tell you a few things I’m into:

Being faithful, growing as a person at all times, nerdy books and television shows, politics (please refer to ‘nerdy television shows), chocolate, walking barefoot on the beach, puppy breath, flowers, the simple things in life, fresh air, looking out over 120 acres of corn and remembering where I’m from, nature, warm cookies fresh from the oven, tree hugging, music, laughing babies, borrowing the children of my friends when I need to remember what the world looks like through their eyes, carnivals, bonfires with friends, fishing, the Steelers, eating hotdogs at the ballpark, laughing whenever possible, peace and quiet, the loyalty of an old dog, God (which probably should have been first but I didn’t wanna scare you into thinking this was a sermon), sunrises and sunsets, the mountains, foggy mornings, history, playing with bones – especially those of australopithecus aferensis (again refer to ‘nerdy books’ comment), photography, writing, doing things that make other people smile, driving, helping people when I can, enjoying good conversations with people, learning something new, and being very much in love with a woman that I really hope will be the last person I ever kiss.

The brand new cover design for Butch Sexology 2.

 

It is all in here!

 

The first reviewer says – “The dance that exists within the Butch-Femme dynamic is both unique and powerful and this book compels the reader onwards, word by sultry word. Having read as many of this author’s contributions, I urge anyone within or interested in the Butch-Femme modality to grab a coffee, sit back and prepare to be dazzled … be warned, the coffee will be cold by the time you remember to take a sip.” ~ Aryn

Description

The original, Butch Sexology – Tales From the Erotic Zone, was banned at Book Tango for being ‘too pornographic in nature.’ It also reached the top twenty of Amazon’s best selling adult fiction and remains in the top 50 best selling lesbian fiction at all times. I set-out this time to show them what pornographic was! This book is hotter, longer and talks about more ‘taboos’ than any other story I have ever written and published.

The characters are all hot, uninhibited and well-written to make you feel as if you are in the room with them … or on the table being fucked by one of them.

The brand new cover design for Butch Sexology 2.

 

Are you ready? “Butch Sexology 2 – The REALLY Naught Stuff”  will be available THIS WEEKEND! Watch my Facebook page closely for exact details. If you read the first book, then you know what hot, sexy erotica awaits for you to feast your eyes (and other things) upon.  However, I have a surprise in store for my readers!

If you weren’t able to get in on “Butch Sexology – Tales From the Erotic Zone” for whatever reason, now, you can get BOTH books in ONE VOLUME! That’s right…I’m going to release a special copy of BOTH books in one volume! Both books will be available at the same time on Kindle, with paperbacks being ready with a few days after the Kindle version hits markets.

Even more amazing, you’ll be able to purchase the Kindle edition of either book for only $2.99 or you can get BOTH in one volume for only $3.99!! I know…I know….you’re so excited now that you won’t be able to sleep. Don’t blame it on me. Blame it on being horny.

 

Photo courtesy of Glass Onion Images
Models: Skye R. Isono and Amber Marie

My hands are on your hips. My face is in the nape of your neck. The water from the shower beats down on your skin and on mine, in a cascade of warmth and stimulation. Your skin is soft and warm and I want to melt into you. My lips find your skin and softly touch you, tasting you and leaving loving kisses on your flesh.

I’m completely aware of your breathing. I can feel your chest moving against me and feel your hand reach around me to hold me close to you. Softly, you moan. I reach for the soap and I begin to rub your body with my hands, working-up a lather all over your torso. I can feel the wetness between my legs that is definitely not water. Again, you moan. I want to kiss you all over, worship your body and bring you pleasure like you’ve never felt before. Just like the song, I want to make your body my wonderland and play with it all night long.

My lips find your breasts and your nipples are already erect and longing for my touch. I’m overcome with such passion that you have to remind me to be gentle. I get carried away in my lust sometimes and forget how sensitive this soft, pale-pink flesh can be.  I relax and try to just enjoy your creamy soft skin in my mouth and relish how amazing your alabaster flesh feels against my lips and tongue.

Softly, with your hands in my hair, you put your cheek against mine and whisper in my ear, Can we go lay down? I don’t think I can stand-up anymore.” You’ve made me tingle all over and I nod against your neck and your shoulder, unable to give you a verbal response at the moment. You turn the water off, step out of the shower and reach for a towel. You turn to hand me a towel too, but I grab a hold of yours and pull you close. I only want to kiss you and touch you. I don’t want to take my hands off of you. I’ve been so starved for you. Our lips meet and we kiss softly at first, but it quickly turns into a twisted knot between my tongue and yours, exploring and seeking. I feel like I’m being burned alive. I want you and I can’t wait to taste you on my lips.

You giggle softly and start backing up toward the door, in the direction of the bedroom. I playfully follow you, step by step, until you are standing with your legs against the bed. Pushing you back onto the bed, I crawl over the top of you and continue kissing you, letting my hand roam between your legs. I can feel the hair that you neatly trim and I love the natural feel that you opt for. It’s so sexy. It’s just … you. I let my fingers play and entwine themselves, lingering in it a moment. Your pussy fits perfectly in my cupped hand. I can hear you suck in your breath now and you whisper, “I love the way you touch me.”

Your words move me to continue and I gently slip my fingers deeper between the lips of your labia and rub them back and forth against you to stimulate you and also to get them wet for the purposes of entering you. I slip my thumb inside you. I like this angle for my hand and I can lay closer to you like this. I can look at your face as I stroke my fingers inside of you. Your face always tells me everything I need to know. Your shrieks of passion are icing on my cake. This moment, you have called out my name and your chest rose sharply from the breath you sucked into your lungs. I’m immediately drawn to your gorgeous breasts and filled with desire to have your nipples in my mouth. As I succumb to my desire, you groan and utter one word, “yessss.” You breathe the word out into the air, as if you’re speaking it to the entire universe, and I’m filled with emotions too hard to explain. I can only act on them.

As your body ignites in a spontaneous combustion of sorts, fueled by my desire to please you and pour more fuel into your fire, you are now speaking loudly. I can hear you. “I love your hands. I love how you touch me. I love the way you know exactly what to do to me.” You make me want to please you just that much more. You fill me with a passion that starts deep inside, like a hot coal that burns a hole through my flesh and is only satisfied by your screams and cum in my face. I can feel you building. My fingers are inside of you – stroking you, but I need to move to bring you to complete orgasm now. I know what you need and what you desire. I want to please you and make your body mine.

Sliding myself between your legs, I’m on the floor now, at your feet. I gently lift your legs over my shoulders and guide your feet to rest on each of my shoulders. Your body is wide open in front of me now. I take a moment to look at what I consider to be the most beautiful piece of art in the entire world, your womanhood. I’m enthralled with your body and with you … all of you. I always tell you that you’re beautiful. I mean it in so many ways other than your face and your body. All the emotions, all the feelings I have for you are combined with the passion of this moment and it seems like I will not be able to keep myself from exploding into a million pieces right here and now. I watch as I slip my fingers back inside of you. Your hips move to greet my fingers and my eyes glance up in time to see you also looking down at my face. I reach for your hand now and you grasp it firmly, as my other hand strokes you.

Leaning forward, my tongue finds you. You are swollen, throbbing and pulsing with desire. As my lips surround you, your head falls back onto the bed and you moan and I can hear you call my name. My response is to stroke you faster and move my tongue in rhythm with my fingers and the magical song we are playing, using your body as the instrument.

As you reach your climax, I can feel you tighten around my fingers and it begins like a pulse. You’re squirming and beginning to back yourself up onto the bed. It’s as if the pleasure is so intense that you feel the need to back away from it, but I’m not going to let you. I move with you, until we are both fully on the bed and rather than let up, I’m stroking you faster now, diving back into you with my face. You scream now. I hear my name. Yes, I love it. Then I hear you, “Ohhh…ohhh baby. I cumming!”

I already knew. You are now squeezing my fingers so hard that they have barely received blood for two minutes. Suddenly, I feel the flood as you cum with the power of water rushing through a broken dam. I can’t stop licking. I want every single drop. You allow it for as long as you can take it until, finally, you are begging me to stop because you’re unable to take the intensity one moment longer.

I move to hold you. I just want to touch you now; lay with you and hold you close. I want to feel the heat of your skin and the sweat that we’ve shared in this dance of desire. You’re so sexy, so beautiful … so ‘everything I ever wanted’ and I run out of words to express the feelings that I have when I think about you. “Just let me cuddle with you and fall asleep,” I whisper as I kiss your chest and lay my head against you. You wrap your arm around me and pull me close and I lay and listen to your heartbeat. You do what you always do. You lay in the dark and talk until you are exhausted and can’t talk anymore. I can hear your breathing change as you begin to drift off. I don’t tell you I love you…but I know that you know. I smile to myself and say thanks for this day, for this life and most of all … for you.

Skye Isono, model and aspiring actress. Skye will be the star on the cover of Butch Sexology II – The REALLY Naughty Stuff!

Hello everyone! I have an interesting proposition for you. In my new book, which is pretty much complete, I am going to offer “product placement” within the stories. If you have a business, a product, a website, a place of business or anything that you’d like to advertise in my book for ABSOLUTELY FREE, then leave a comment below on how you can either give me a link back to my books, advertise for me or whatever you can dream up!

I’m not talking about a list of links in the back of the book! I’m talking about actually writing you into the story somewhere, so that you are 100% guaranteed that anyone who reads the book is going to see you. If they are reading on Kindle, they can click right over to you from the book! How great is that for your business??

You’re links will be LIVE in my Kindle version. This is a unique way to market your products without having to spend any advertising dollars. There is virtually no risk to you at all. Pitch me your idea and sell me on your product, service or whatever! I can’t add ALL people’s stuff, so you’ll have to really sell me on your ideas. Maybe I get a free product or something. Maybe you give me a permanent link on your site. After all, you’re going to be in my book FOREVER!

How many people are going to see this? Well, the FIRST book has only been out for 90 days and has been downloaded and sold to 1175 people! I fully expect the follow-up book to outsell the first. I expect sales to be well over 7000 copies in the first year alone.

The photo shoot is happening in Texas this week for the cover art. I’m so excited! Skye Isono is a great model and this cover is going to have a butch, a femme and a motorcycle! This is a combination for HOTNESS! I guarantee that this book is going to make the last one look entirely too tame.

Would you like to get a free autographed copy of the book when it comes out? Follow me on Twitter for a chance to win! Look to the left for the link to my Twitter account! I’ll be choosing one person a week for the first four weeks after the book launches, to get a free autographed copy! Tweet me! RT me! Who wants that book? ;)

Here is a sneak peek at my newest book, coming out in just a few short weeks! WARNING! This is sexually explicit, lesbian erotica. Do not read if you are offended. This book covers more ground than the last book. I deliberately included some material that is sometimes considered taboo. This particular story includes fisting and is not necessarily going to appeal to everyone. To my fans, I believe that it will. Your comments are welcome.

 

The original Butch Sexology.

 

 

 Not In A Million Years

There I was, sitting at the bar on a Thursday night. It was raining outside and the bar had a normal crowd. It was fairly busy but nothing like the weekends. I liked sitting at the far end because I could see everyone coming and going. I could sit and drink my beer and admire the eye candy as it walked in the door; it was the perfect spot.

In they walked, the three of them talking amongst themselves, giggling and carrying on. I noticed them right away. Hell, I couldn’t miss them. The three of them were very ‘girly’ with dresses, purses, heels, make-up and looking like proper ladies out on the prowl.

Not being at the bar for purposes of picking someone up, I was not immediately inclined to show any interest. However, I couldn’t help but notice the lady in the black dress. She was wearing pantyhose and spiked heels. Her dark brown hair was long and wavy and it fell in front of her shoulders, coming to rest on her breasts that were accentuated by the low-cut dress that she was wearing. I was a sucker for long hair.

As I watched them come in and take a table, she glanced towards me and I immediately smiled but didn’t hold my stare. Instead, I gave a nod to go with my smile and promptly ordered another beer from the bartender, as I looked away. I never liked to be too forward.

I watched the women sit and chat, laughing and having a good time. A few times, they got up and danced together, the way that groups of women so often do. I maintained my post on my bar stool. They weren’t going anywhere. The night went on and they had more to drink and so did I.

At about 11pm, she finally wandered to the bar to order herself a drink. She came and stood almost close enough to touch my arm at the bar. I smiled at her and she smiled at me. She spoke, “I haven’t seen you move all night. You can’t be having much fun!”

“Oh sure I am. I have the best seat in the house. I can see everything that is going on from right here. I see who walks in and I know when beautiful ladies are at the bar to get another drink,” I smiled at her as I spoke.

She giggled at my open flirtation. “I’m April,” she grinned as she held out her hand.

“I’m Casey, nice to meet you,” I took her hand and gave her my best smile. I didn’t offer to remove my hand all too quickly and she allowed her hand to linger a few moments as I continued speaking with her. “So, are you and your friends out celebrating something? You’re awfully dressed-up for this bar.”

“No, we’re just out having a good time. It’s our ‘ladies’ night out,” she was still smiling. I could see her looking at my hair. She finally withdrew her hand when the bartender came to take her order.

As she waited for her drink I touched the chair next to me, “Why don’t you have a seat. Those heels can’t be too comfortable.”

She sat but protested, “Oh, they aren’t that bad. You get used to them. I only get sore after I’ve been dancing too long.”

“You mean like tonight?”, I grinned at her.

“Okay, you got me there. Yes, fine … I’ll admit it. My feet are freaking killing me!” With that she burst out laughing and I laughed with her. When the laughter stopped there was a moment of silence that was filled with tension as the chemistry between us was becoming clear.

The bartender interrupted, right on cue but she did not leave immediately. She lingered a moment and took a sip of her cocktail. She was drinking a white Russian. “Mmmm…that’s yummy.”

“I love those when I’m in the mood.” I looked into her eyes. They were brown. In fact they were so dark brown that they almost looked black, especially in the dimly lit bar at this hour of the night. “There’s a lot of things I love when I’m in the mood.”

Now she blushed. Even in the near dark, I could see the blood rush to her face and neck and begin to work it’s way down her chest towards her cleavage, which I now took the opportunity to take a good look at. She just giggled a nervous giggle. Still, she hadn’t left.

I stood from my bar stool and held my hand out to her, “Wanna dance?”

“Sure,” she replied and sat her drink next to mine.

“Gotta take your shoes off too,” I grinned at her.

“What? NO! I couldn’t do that,” she gasped wide-eyed.

“Okay, well then you have to agree to let me rub your feet afterward.” Now she didn’t know what to say. She stammered for a moment but I didn’t give her a chance to answer. I took her hand and led her to the dance floor.

We danced for three songs, getting progressively flirtatious as things went along. Alcohol and music tends to have that effect. When we were getting hot and sweaty it was time to head back to our drinks.

As she picked her drink up from the bar she smiled at me and said, “I really suppose I should go check-in with my friends.” She glanced towards the table where her girlfriends were sitting. They were looking at her and waving. She waved back to them as if to say, “I’m coming!”

Before she walked away, I smiled, “Well now, don’t be a stranger. You know which end of the bar to get your drinks at now.”

“Yes, I do.” She walked away and grinned from ear to ear. When she got back to her table, I could see them all gather in a gaggle and start talking. I knew they were getting the scoop on what was going on and I thought it was funny.

I tried not to let them know I was watching out of the corner of my eye, but they probably knew. Femmes seem to know that stuff. There isn’t really much hiding from a femme once she has you on her radar. That’s fine because once a butch has you on his radar, you’re either going to give in or have to run. He isn’t going to give up. Most butches will admit that the thrill of the chase is half the fun.

As the hour grew late and things were winding down, I decided that it was time to make a move. I approached their table and had my keys in my hand. “Are you girls going to go out and get some breakfast? It’s sort of tradition for most of the people at this bar to go hit the Perkins that’s open all night down the street.”

They all looked at each other. April looked at her friends hopefully. One said yes that she was definitely hungry. The other was whining about being tired and having to work tomorrow.

“Did you all ride together?”, I inquired of the trio of girls who were as indecisive now as any group of teenage girls possibly could be.

“Yes,” came the collective reply. April continued, “Sue drove.” She nodded her head towards the grumpy one who wanted to go home. Then she looked at me and said, “I’d go to breakfast with you if you could give me a ride?”

Her friends looked at her as if she had a spider crawling out of her ear. Of course, the grumpy one had to say something. “I don’t think that’s a good idea, April. You don’t even know her.”

“Well, that’s true. I’d be happy to give you my phone number so that if she goes missing, you’ll know where to send the cops,” was my flip reply to her accusatory tone.

April laughed, “I’m sure that I’ll be fine, Sue. Don’t worry.” The whole time, she was looking right in my eyes.

April gathered her things and gave her friends a hug. We all walked into the parking lot together and I was very clear about which car was mine. I figured that maybe if they knew my car and had every chance to take down my tag number that they’d feel more comfortable.

Once her friends were in their car, April and I walked on towards my mustang. I opened the door for her and then walked around to get in on my side. She reached over and opened the door for me, which struck me as cute. “Thank-you,” I smiled over at her and quite suddenly just decided to give her a peck on the cheek. April, however, decided to turn and take it on the lips. It really is true what they say about the quiet ones. She had her tongue in my mouth in 1.2 seconds. I wasn’t complaining.

“I don’t want to go to breakfast,” she blurted out. “I want you to take me to your place.” Before I could respond, she was kissing me again. No, I certainly wasn’t complaining and I surely wasn’t going to say no.

“Okay.”

“Okay.”

I put the key in the ignition and fired-up the engine. I reached over and took her hand as I backed out of the parking space and headed the car towards my place. She played with my hand, stroking it and kissing it. At one point she was sucking on my fingers and it was all I could do to keep driving and not pull over and hike her skirt up in a parking lot somewhere.

When we finally got back to my apartment and parked the car, I looked over at her and said, “How often do you do this?”

April’s face looked a little embarrassed. “Never.”

“Are you serious? Why now?”, I couldn’t help but be curious.

“I’ve always been attracted to butch women but I’ve never been with one. I want to. Know what else I want?”

“What?”

She took my hand again, “I want you to put your hand inside of me.”

Now my blood began to beat through my body with the force of an oil rig. My heart skipped at least two beats and my blood pressure must have climbed to the point of nearing a stroke. “Holy crap, April. You just put it all out there huh?” I was laughing though, I couldn’t help it.

“It’s a fantasy I’ve had for a long time. When we started talking tonight I knew that I was very attracted to you. I feel like I can trust you and I want you to show me what it’s all about.”

I leaned towards her and kissed her, slowly and deeply before responding. “So you want me to fuck your brains out is what you’re saying, right?”

“Yes! Please!”, she was smiling at me as if she was feeling triumphant.

“Well, you’re an adult, I’m an adult … I do NOT have a problem with that at all.”

With that, I hopped out of the car before anyone could change their mind. I walked around to her side to hold the door and help her out. I took her by the hand and led her to the stairs and motioned for her to move ahead. I was right behind her, watching her ass sway all the way up the staircase. I’m quite certain that she was giving a little ‘extra’ swing to her hips just for my benefit.

When we arrived at my door, I put the key into the lock and swung the door open. It was dark inside and I reached in and flipped the light switch. Then I stood back for her to enter. As I stepped inside behind her, I shut the door and then turned to face her. I pushed her back against the door with my body against hers. In an instant, I was kissing her, devouring her as she stood there against my door. I could hear her moaning. The reverberations of her moans against my tongue inside her mouth was the sweetest of seductions. It made me think of other places my tongue could be. I wanted to taste all of her and I wanted her now.

My fingers slid slowly up her thigh and up underneath her dress. I could feel her laced panties underneath the panty hose that she was wearing. Without saying a word to her I leaned back and looked into her face, took her by the hand and led her to my bedroom. As we walked to the edge of the bed, I turned her around and reach around her, from behind and cupped her breasts in my hands, as I kissed her neck. I could feel her nipples growing hard under my fingers. I ached to feel them in my mouth.

Spinning her around, my lips met hers again with a hunger. Passionately, we kissed for several moments as my hands again reached to pull her skirt up. I could feel her step sideways and spread her legs to accommodate my fingers between her legs.

She groaned as I touched her clit underneath the layers of her clothing. Firmly, I pushed her back onto the bed. I loosened my tie as I stood over the top of her. Slowly I loosened the knot and pulled the tie up and over my head. Stepping forward, I straddled her on the bed. As I looked into her eyes, I simply said, “Give me your hands.” She quietly complied. I felt her body give a slight jolt and I knew that she was utterly turned-on beyond turning back. I slipped the tie over her hands to her wrists and slipped it snug. Then I took the loose end of the tie and pulled it over her head, tying it to the bedpost. With her hands secured over her head, she was completely at my mercy.

I moved to unzip her dress and guide it down over her shoulders. Slowly and with great care, I pulled the dress down to her stomach. Here I stopped because I could resist no longer. Leaning forward, I took her left breast in my mouth and sucked her hard and long. She moaned softly at first. The harder I sucked the louder she became. Her utterances were turning me on and making me absolutely insane. I wanted her body and I wanted to fuck her until she couldn’t walk a step tomorrow without thinking of me.

Slowly, I slid down the length of her body, kissing and teasing her salty skin with my tongue, until I reached the floor on my knees. Her dress was around her midsection, in a bunch. In front of me now were her legs, still covered in panty hose. As I leaned forward, she spread her legs wide for me, wanting me to touch her. I kissed her square between the legs. I could smell her body and her excitement. I knew she was wet, I didn’t need to touch her to know. Her thighs were quivering now. With very soft kisses, I touched her inner thighs and I gently nibbled a tiny hole in the hose that stood between me and the treasure between her legs.

I gently crept my fingers into the hole in her hose and with no warning to her, I suddenly ripped them from her with all my strength. Shredded fabric hung from her waist. I was taken over with desire now and I yanked the material from each leg and tied it around each ankle, which I then secured to the bottom corners of the bed after pulling her panties off. She couldn’t move now at all, other than some wiggle room.

For a moment, I just took her in. She truly had a magnificent body and her pussy was beautiful to me. She was neatly trimmed and shaved but not smooth. I let my fingers play in her hair and teased her with my touch. I kissed her hair before allowing my tongue to slide south and touch her clit softly.

She cried out, “Oh God…yes!” I heard the headboard creak as she pulled against it with her arms. With her cry, I wanted to eat her alive and I buried my face between her legs and licked her like I wouldn’t live to see tomorrow.

Her hips bucked and lifted to try to ride my tongue, as it danced up and down, back and forth. My lips locked around her clit and sucked her into my mouth, as my tongue continued to lick her furiously. Glancing up at her, I could see her nipples were hard as rocks and I moved my hands up to reach for them. Rolling her nipples in my fingers I continued to lick her. She screamed now. I could feel her body convulsing with spasms that were rocking her from the inside out. I continued to lick her as she came until she was squirming and trying to move away from me. Still, I continued to lick until I finally let my tongue become still. I held her clit in my mouth with no movement until her breathing became less rapid.

“Oh my God…please, I can’t breathe…”, I could hear her moaning. Very softly and gingerly I flicked my tongue at her clit. Her entire body jumped. I giggled; I couldn’t help it. Right now, at this very moment, I owned her body and I could do whatever I wanted with it. All I wanted to do was bring her the most intense physical pleasure that she’d ever felt in her life. It was my life’s mission, at this very moment. I wanted her cum the way men want gold or money.

I leaned to the bedside table and pulled the drawer open. Inside was lube and a vibrator. I pulled them both out. She could see what I was doing but still couldn’t move. She lifted her head and watched for a moment. She let out an anxious moan and threw her head back, giving me complete control.

I held the lube over her pussy and squirted it, letting it drip down over. It was cold and she let out a gasp. To keep it from running off and onto the floor, I caught it with my hand and rubbed her pussy up and down with my flat hand, spreading the lube. I turned the vibrator on and I felt her thighs tremble in anticipation. I could hear her softly draw in her breath. Slowly, I inserted the vibrator into her, only penetrating an inch or so. I wanted to stimulate her vaginal opening and relax her body. I could see her open for me. Leaning forward I gave her clit a few quick licks before I plunged the vibrator into her as deep as it would reach.

Again, she shrieked but this time it was no words. The sounds that came from her were the sounds a woman makes when she is in absolute heaven and her body is completely on fire. Her nipples were hard enough to cut glass, her pussy so wet that it was dripping. She was ready.

Leaning back so I could see what I was doing and watch her face at the same time, I pulled the vibrator out and I slipped two fingers inside of her. She knew what I was doing now and she murmured a very soft, “Yes.”

I let my fingers explore inside her body. There is nothing in the world that compares to the soft, fleshy heat of a woman’s pussy when she is swollen with desire. Her body conforms to wrap around your fingers, hugging them and begging them to fuck her at the same time.

My fingers twisted and moved to touch her g-spot. I pushed against and touched the vibrator to the side of her clit. I didn’t want her to cum, but I wanted her to hover at the edge as long as was possible.

I pulled the vibrator away and added a finger inside of her. I fucked her now, with my hand and her hips rose and fell to meet my strokes. She was moaning and crying out loud now. Over and over she screamed, “Yes…oh God…YES! Fuck me, fuck me, fuck me!”

Slowly, I folded my thumb into my palm and curled my hand as much as I could. Reaching for the lube, I squirted it onto my hand and wrist. Slowly, very, very slowly I applied pressure and entered her with my entire hand up to my knuckles. This was the critical part, the widest part of my hand and I knew if I was not careful that I could hurt her. I flipped on the vibrator with my other hand and touched it to her clit. Her pelvis thrust forward in pleasure and I took the split-second to move my hand forward be pulling my fingers into my palm and making a fist. The movement involves a twist and thrust, simultaneously. I was inside of her completely now.

“OH FUCK!”, she shrieked but not the shriek of pain. “It’s SO intense,” she moaned as her head tossed from side to side. I gave her body a few moments to get used to the sensation of being completely filled. There was no room to move inside of her, all I could do was flex my fist tighter and then release. It gave her a pulsating sensation. As I did this I leaned forward and licked her clit. My hand was beginning to go numb as her body began to tense and tighten. Her orgasm was going to be enormous, I could tell. I felt the shudder coming from deep inside her and I groaned as I continued to lick her. I had just cum all over myself.

Three of my fingers had gone completely numb from the tightness of her pussy and her muscles contracting around me so tight. I could feel it now, she was cumming. It started like a wave inside of her and as it hit the crest, she cried out, “Shit! Oh my God, I’m cumming!” Within seconds, her contraction was so hard that she came like a freight train, pushing my hand out of her body with such force that if it hadn’t been connected to my arm it probably would’ve hit the wall behind me.

Her body went limp. She was totally spent. Gently, I untied the restraints on her legs and removed my tie from her wrists. I settled-in next to her and she whimpered softly and moved against me as tightly as she could squeeze herself into my shoulder. I kissed her forehead and gently rocked her as she slowly came down from her high.

“Oh MY God, that was the most intense thing I have ever experienced in my whole life!” She gulped and sighed.

“Was it what you expected?”, I grinned at her.

“No. It was definitely not anything I could have ever imagined in a million years,” she started to laugh because her body was still shaking from the intensity of her orgasm. Her voice was cracking and she was almost stuttering, as if she’d lost all control of her body at this point. She continued to laugh as she looked at me and asked, “So … was this what you were expecting when you went to the bar tonight?”

“Nope, not anything I could have ever imagined in a million years,” I snuggled-up next to her and closed my eyes as I laughed. We both grew quiet and still, bringing the night to an end and giving way to our dreams of the night. 

Have you ever been at someone’s side as they died? Have you watched the breath escape their body and hear the rattle as their body shudders to a halt? I have. I know death and know the things that people speak about in their last moments. I remember hearing the stories of her youth, watching the tears well in her eyes remembering an old dog she had as a child. Her memories, good and bad, were everything to her at that time, as her long life was drawing to a close.

The lessons that I’ve learned in my life are not the same as you will learn because our purposes here are different. I think all souls are beautiful but I don’t think all people are. Sometimes I’m amazed at people’s inability to see the world outside of themselves. Sometimes I am even more amazed when they have convinced themselves that they do.

Here is what I know. My past experiences have made me who I am today. Every thought and every decision I make are based on the experiences in my life that I have been through, good or bad. True, I have choices, but my choices are a product of the things I have learned to be true. My past IS my truth. I owe the past a debt for teaching me, for bringing me here to where I stand now. Am I perfect? Certainly not and I have never professed to be so. I’m human. I was made to make mistakes. I’m beautiful in my constant state of imperfection and I’m okay with me.

Do I over react? Sometimes I do and sometimes I have been the voice of reason in the lives of other people. I suppose it is a trade-off?

What have I learned most recently? To honor my truth. As I said, my past IS my truth. I don’t have to live in the past in order to honor it. I need to pay attention to what I have learned, in order to honor myself … and in doing so, I honor my past as well as my present and my future. Time is not a straight line. Neither am I.

Here is what I promise to honor in my future; the truths I need to uphold in my life:

 

  1. I will never again date anyone who does not openly identify as lesbian and is proud of that fact. I feel that this is important to the cause of gay rights, it is important to the gay youth who need positive role models, it is important to the people in the closet who need that reassurance that there are people out here who will embrace them and lastly … because it is important to change the world. I also feel it is something that I need to have in a healthy relationship.
  2. I will never ask someone to lay low in my life or not be my friend because someone that I am dating, or going to date, isn’t comfortable with my friendship with you. I don’t care if you are an ex or just a friend or someone I had a one night stand with. There are two of them on my Facebook page now and I have no intentions of getting rid of them. If you can’t trust me then we have nothing to begin with.
  3. Never again will I defend myself to someone over and over. I am who I am and if you don’t like it, hit the road. This is my new motto.
  4. I’ll never apologize for my past, because without it I wouldn’t be here. It is part of me, it reminds me when I move in the right direction or the wrong direction. I learn my own lessons, at my own pace, without someone else having to point it out to me.
  5. I will live my life for me. Never again will I conform to what someone else wants me to be, do, think, feel, wear, eat, read, learn, play or see. If someone doesn’t honor me, as I am, and bring positive to my life, then I will leave them behind.
  6. I will never, ever hide who I am ever again. I will never again date someone who cannot happily introduce me to someone as their date, their girlfriend or partner. I’ll never again be a shadow in someone’s life.
  7. I will only date femme women who clearly understand the butch femme dynamic and have done it before, get it and know how to treat a butch woman and honor me for who and what I am.
  8. At the sign of the first red flags, I am going to trust my intuition and walk away. I am going to listen to my gut and stop hanging around too long, expecting a different result from the same situation.

 

These are just a few of the things that are going to be a part of the new me. I don’t need someone in my life. I’m truly a very happy person alone most of the time. My life is going along really well and even though things are tough right this very moment, I don’t foresee this lasting much longer. Physically, I feel fantastic. Emotionally, I feel stronger than I have in a long time. I’m standing up for me, what is right for me and what I need. It may not be right for others and that’s fine. I honor you and your truth, even if you don’t think I do. As I said before, I think all souls are beautiful and I wish you well on the journey of your soul.

Recently I was questioned why I said I was spiritual and have also said I’m an atheist. I’m going to clarify this while I’m at it today. I do not believe in heaven, hell or God in the sense that Christians believe in those things. I do not need “God” to be spiritual. My thoughts on religion are not good, in all honesty. I subscribe to thoughts more along the line of Taoism or Buddhism. I believe in reincarnation, I believe in a progression of the soul. I believe in learning to be a better person. I know I am not perfect but I honestly really do my best to learn and evolve. I do try to work on my short comings and I try to be a good person overall.

I’ve been called mean by two people in my life. They were both people who made me uncomfortable, insulted me over and over without even realizing that they were doing it, didn’t listen to me when I tried to tell them how I felt, and just generally were people that I should never have had in my life to begin with. The red flags were flapping in the wind and I just kept ignoring them. As a result, I believe that I acted out and really was mean to them. For that I apologize. I should have let you go sooner.

This morning I wrote your name on a balloon and I released it. I watched it fly away, to heights unknown. I honored you as I did this. I released your soul to move on and follow the path that you need to follow. I will not hold you back. I wished you well and I was happy for you. I pray that you’ll have a care free life, that you will find your health again and that you will do what we are meant to do, spread your wings and fly.

The cover of “Butch Sexology”

 

 

 

Recently, I received an email from Book Tango informing me that they were dropping my book because it was pornographic because I used obscene language. Ummmm…okay? Personally, I think they banned it because it was Butch/Femme erotica and this is something that the world doesn’t approve of. In all honesty, it is even looked down on in many lesbian circles. We butches take a lot of flack all the way around.

Here’s a copy of the letter I was sent.

 

Book Tango to me:

Thank you for resubmitting your project with us. This title went live on May 29, 2012 and was resubmitted on July 13, 2012. All materials submitted whether it is a new or existing project should be evaluated for acceptability and workability. Upon further evaluation, we found out that this book contains obscene language and explicit sexual content, something that we overlooked during the first submission. With this regard, we would like to inform you that we cannot continue the publication of this title as this was flagged as pornographic material. Booktango does cater to erotic genres but erotica is completely different from pornography.

Please understand as a privately owned, self-publishing company we set certain limits on content, and make every attempt to keep our limits fair and equal across the board for all of our authors.

Sincerely,

Judy Lewis
Customer Service Representative

1663 Liberty Drive
Bloomington, IN 47403
customersupport@booktango.com

 

My response to this? Thanks, Book Tango. My sales have soared because now everyone wants to know why it got banned. How BAD is it? Well, it isn’t nearly as bad as the sequel is going to be next month!

The Prologue to my next book, “Butch Sexology II – The REALLY Naughty Stuff”

 

A Note To The Femmes Out There

Psst….. Come here, I want to tell you something. Shhh….keep it quiet. There is no one here now, except for you and I. No one knows that I am speaking just to you. I’m whispering this to you so that we can keep it just between us, from a butch to a femme.

I’m about to share things with you that you may find surprising, possibly shocking and most definitely will be a turn-on. Of all the women that I talk to, I always hear the same thing from femmes, ‘what goes through your minds when you think about us and make love to us?’

Yes, such are the things that femmes want to know and so I am going to tell you. We’ll keep this just between us though, okay? This will be ‘our’ little secret, just from me to you.

Come cuddle close to me, so that I can whisper in your ear. I don’t want the whole world to know my secrets, only you. Let me put my arm around you and lean close, so that you can feel my breath against your cheek. Smell my cologne in the air and feel it ignite your natural curiosities. Close your eyes and imagine that my arm is around your shoulder now, with my hand resting close to your breast.

I will tell you my stories, slowly and passionately. You’ll almost be able to hear my chest pounding in those ‘climactic moments’. You may even hear yourself gasp or sigh. You’ll find yourself longing for more and slipping into a state of arousal that brings you so close to sexual climax that you must … no you shouldn’t …. oh yes, but you will. Go ahead, reach between your legs, it’s okay. Slip your fingers inside your panties and see what I’ve already done to you.

I am a butch and these are my stories.