Why Do (Butch) Lesbians Hate Men? – A Real Question From A Straight Male Reader


Real change is worth any price, my friends.

This is a conversation that came to me via email from a reader. I loved his questions and he has legitimate concerns. I have always been one of the guys and like men…but I know lesbians who don’t. I thought that my readers could weigh-in on this?

Hi Jesse,

First off I want to say I am very impressed with your blog and your fight for gay rights YEAH!!!!.  I believe in marriage between two people and have been fighting the good fight here in Minnesota, under our “Vote No” campaign.

I’m writing to you in terms of personal inquiry.  I’m open to everything and closed to nothing.  The lens in which I see the world is one in which everyone has the true freedom to express how they are.  As I read your blog and about you, I see that your true to yourself and have personal freedom in who you are, whether or not someone agrees with you.  It breaks my heart to read those crimes against you for being your true self.   Truth of the matter is so many judgements take place on a daily basis it’s scary.  I’m not in your shoes and could never pretend to be, I know judgements about yourself are passed your way through stares, looks, words and hate daily.   It is my dream that everyone accepts each person for who they are at the end of the day I believe everyone must come together and make everything work to be great.  I believe we will get to this point.  If not now as society evolves.

I just have a question from you as I encounter what I would be the butch lesbian or lesbians in general….why do I encounter from the butch lesbian her constant hate and vitriol for men.  I don’t understand, its the biggest construction and judgement I have ever encocuntered and my efforts to unite and make the world a better place fall on deaf ears as I am constantly stereotyped as a piece of shit, or untrustworthy.  Why is my intuition and inquired knowledge of how butch women feel about men so negative.  I ask for your intelligence and why this happens as I have sought out others who can’t give me a solid answer.  My soul constructs it and explains it to me in terms of what some men do to women.  I am always going to judged?  Are my intentions never going to be assummed to be good?   I feel so judged by the butch lesbian as a threat, when I want to be a uniting force.

An answer to the questions, would help me understand better, and when I have a deeper understanding my understanding can change and I can understand the deeper lying issues.  I find myself taking this personally even though I pride myself on being who I am and not letting others judge me.  Their is a giant barrier that I have never been able to break down, I have only been able to break down the barrier with time and on an individual basis.

Sincerely With Love,
“Steve”

PS I love dogs too. Hope yours are well.  Dogs are the truest creatures of love, it loves you no matter what.

___________________________________________________________________________________________

Dear Steve,

I love this question. First of all, thanks for reading my blog and I am more than happy to try to answer your question.
First of all, I’m aware that some lesbians (particularly butch lesbians) seem to have an issue with men. There might be a lot of reasons for that. None of which are really good answers, as they aren’t necessarily fair to guys like you.
To begin with, there is more than one type of butch lesbian. There are soft butches, butches, stone butches and transsexuals who often start off as very butch lesbians that are now becoming male. This may begin to give you a little insight.
Soft butches normally don’t have many issues with men, unless they were raped or otherwise tortured by guys…Steve, this happens a lot. In my case, I’ve put up with men hitting on my girlfriends right in front of me on purpose. I’ve put up with people trying to ‘set my gf’s up on dates with men’ because they couldn’t understand why a woman would want a woman who looks and acts like a guy…’why not just date men?’ It is really a stupid question to ask, yet society asks it all the time.
What happens, I believe, is that men and butch lesbians are ‘set-up’ in a sort of false competition. It sounds stupid but it is true. Also, because of the way that they may have been treated by men in the past (I know women who got raped simply because they were a lesbian), this can lead to a lot of animosity. Butch lesbians sort of have a bad taste in their mouth about men in general.As I said before, it isn’t right. It isn’t fair. I hope that you might be able to understand it a little now?
I’d like to post this all on my blog, with your permission? Perhaps some other lesbians can chime in? I’d like you to actually see what others feel!
Jesse
________________________________________________________________________________________
Dear Jesse,
Feel free to post on your blog.  Just use a different name please…how about Steve.  Great perspective.  I have more questions to come….if you don’t mind answering. Thanks for helping me understand.  If you could also do a link and reminder to the Vote No campaign in Minnesota it would greatly appreciated.
With Love,
“Steve”
Ps in 20 years you and I can talk to our kids about the cultural change and movement towards equality that we worked for and that will be a great day.
As you requested, Stevehttp://www.facebook.com/votenominnesota
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Categories: abuse, equal rights, gay lesbian, lesbian, life lessons, love, Politics | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 40 Comments

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40 thoughts on “Why Do (Butch) Lesbians Hate Men? – A Real Question From A Straight Male Reader

  1. Nili

    Steve (and Jesse): I don’t understand the “man” hating thing either, but I can tell you that it is not exclusive to butch lesbians. There are lots of femme lesbians who also feel hatred or loathing when it comes to men. I am certainly not one of those femme lesbians…I love my male brethen. But I think Jesse has some very valid points, especially when it comes to the rape issue or past abuse/neglect issues. Although one would think that a person would have reason to feel negative feelings towards their abuser, it tends to set up a stereotype about all people of that species (ie: being raped by one man might make a woman feel that every man is not to be trusted, etc.) And multiple periods of abuse sets people up for the Pavlovian response, where every time a man even looks at them in a way that they don’t like, they become very defensive. But not every woman who has suffered abuse will write off a whole gender. There are some people who just like to hate. They are just unhappy people and you will probably never know why, but they just are. I too am at a loss when people, especially those in my precious queer community, hate. There is enough hate surrounding us as it is…I’m not really sure why those within our community want to add to the negativity. Jesse also makes a point about straight men and butch lesbians being set up in a sort of “false” competition. While this may be true, I can tell you that girls like me who love and absolutely become weak at the knees for our butch lesbians would not feel the same for straight men. I love girls who look like bois but the main requirement for my attractiveness is that they still have to be a girl, no matter what. No straight man is going to turn my head. It just won’t happen, and I do not ever want to be with a bio-man. The thought simply just does not cross my mind. And yes, I never had a problem knowing if a woman is a woman…even the butchest or most androgynous of women have something, however subtle, that gives away their gender! These days, men are just not the quality of men from generations of the past. My father is of the past generation, and he is the kindest, most gentlest and loving man I know. How could I think that an entire gender is evil when my wonderful father is included in that gender? I hope this sheds some light on the subject. Great question, and thank you for supporting the LGTB community. See? You’re probably just like my dad: kind, gentle and wonderful!

    • Excellent reader response! I’ve been fielding some hateful remarks on several places I posted the blog. I’m alarmed at the inability of some lesbians to even be able to view this question openly. I’m shocked that I think I’m feeling some of that “vitriol” that Steve talks about!

      • Victoria Lampkin

        Hi Jessie & Steve,

        I had to respond to this. I am a soft butch. Actually I really don’t like labels because they are so limiting and I believe true sexuality is fluid. But if u saw me you would say that I am a butch. I have a shaved head which I proudly wear for a number of reasons and I’m stocky which gives me a somewhat masculine look to other people. My perception of myself is that yes I fluctuate between a boish and femne energy and I embrace both. I love being a woman. I love my femne side and I embrace my boish masculine energy as well. Now after saying all of that I want u to know something. I have no issues at all with men. In fact I have more male straight friends than I do female friends. Before I came out I was with guys in relationships that were positive but I realized that i needed something you guys couldn’t give me that was deeper than just hetero sex or connection that I got from being with a woman. I get along great with my male friends.Unfortunately there are some butch lesbians who are competitive and have issues with guys for a variety of reasons. I find that many of us in this community have issues with accepting our different attractions meaning some like being with other femnes, some like the butch femne dymanic and some detest butches that like being with other butches and trans and genderqueer and a bunch of other labels that are out here now. Bottom line is this women are very diverse and complex which is a good thing. The bad thing in my opionion is that many of us emulate “negative aspects of what being male is suppose to be” now I’m not talkin about butch women who have what’s called “swag” or a cockiness which is sexy but some who are arrogant and rude and angry which quite honestly doesn’t look good on anyone no matter what your sexual preference is. Honestly I do feel sometimes that many guys look at butch women as a threat to their masculinity and fellas we are different from you. Yess some of us may look like a dude on the outside and may emulate certain male aspects on the outside but guess what? when the clothes come off we have some of the most beautiful sexy female bodies. Now some butches embrace their femininity more than others but its still there. And the attraction to why some feminines are attracted to us is because they get the best of both worlds. And woman who is kind of masculine along with the sensitivity and bonding that comes from a woman’s energy. So it’s not a dick thing which many of u guys understandably get into. It’s much deeper than that between two women. I tried to explain that to my straight male friends. There is no need to be intimidated of us butches. Some of us are competitive but I’m not. I don’t have to try and take your girl. I will find one on my own that’s interested in me for who I am. But I can understand why you guys feel the way you do about us butches. Some of us don’t know how to act. Sorry to say that but if u give the rest of us like myself a chance you will have some of the best fun relationships with us as buddies. I will even go so far as to admit that some of us have even slept with men on the dl. Most butches won’t admit to doing that but it happens a lot.
        So if u guys are sincere in wanting to understand us better get to know a butch lesbian or two. You will be glad u did. We won’t bite you unless u want us too.Just trying to keep it real. And this is from an older lesbian in her 50’s givin to you from my side of the fence.

        All of us no matter what our sexual preferences are need to communicate with each other more effectively. Alot of people have a distorted view of butches and I just want to say to all of you… feminines
        and straight people get to know a person first and walk in his/her shoes before you make a determination about them. You might be surprised at what you may learn when you do.

        Open your mind….open your heart….more tolerance for things we don’t understand…
        ask questions….be honest and ready for what comes to you….you will be a better person
        as a result….

        Just my two cents

        Love & Light to you all
        V

  2. Lorraine

    Hi there Steve and Jesse – gosh, I am sorry to hear of your experience, Steve. But, I guess, we could switch places and I could ask “why do straight men hate butch lesbians so?”. Of course, what is real for me, is that there are some men who think I am a “threat” to them, there are straight women who want me to “start acting like a girl” and then there are others who just wish I would be more Catholic (I was raised Catholic). The truth is – these individuals do not represent all of any one group. I have lovely relationships with gay and straight men – but it took a lot of work on my part to get to that. Having been sexually abused by my father and other men in my life, having been a sex worker when I had to live on the streets, I had a lot of history to move through before I could see men as individuals as opposed to a stereotype. The misogyny in our culture is so pervasive – we women, and the men who are willing to call themselves feminists, are tackling the misogyny every minute of every day – in every interaction, in every conversation, in written words, in the media, in our government. It takes a lot of work on our part to overcome the oppression and see you-to really see you and not see you as a threat to my safety or well being. It took me years of internal work to be able to see myself as a valuable human being/member of society due to the years of oppression. The oppression hasn’t stopped or lightened up – but I have learned how to handle it instead of internalize it. It’s work, Steve, real work that will change women’s inequality in our culture. And, it’s going to take people like you, who are willing to ask the “why” question that’s going to move things. You do have to be prepared to handle the replies, though. What we women have to say about what happens in our lives isn’t cute, neat, and sweet.

    • Fabulous reply, Lorraine. I think that a pattern we are seeing here is that it isn’t JUST that I’m a lesbian…I’m a woman who has a history that you cannot see just by looking at me. :) If we apply this same message to every human being that we encounter, then treating each other with compassion should be so much easier! As you well stated…it takes work!

  3. Kate.

    I’ve clearly become a product of the facebook era because I kept looking for the “Like” button at the end of every post. Kudos to each and every one of you for your openness, honesty and willingness to keep fighting the good fight! At the risk of sounding too “new-agey”, I say with utter sincerity…Namaste.

    • Thanks Kate! Open, honest conversation is what begins to bridge gaps. I hope that this thread would help some people gain some insight and some understanding. Love and light, my friend. :)

  4. always right says

    all lesbians are a FREAK OF NATURE, and they are certainly to blame why us STRAIGHT GUYS are having such a very hard time finding a good woman for us today. much more women are into other women now, very sad.

    • @ First I was inclined not to approve this comment…but then I thought it would answer some questions for “Steve” and I also thought that I’d let everyone know that Joe can be reached at joe@aol.net – so you can feel free to look him up and let him know what you think about this comment personally.

    • It’s guys like you that make men have a hard time finding a “good woman.” Best of luck.
      Sincerely,
      Lesbian in a relationship with an amazing woman

    • Joe, I’m going to let you in on a little secret. The reason that so many women are into other women now has nothing to do with you or any other man. Most men already know that women are complex. We like to be understood, loved on an intellectual level and not just physical all the time, and we love to feel appreciated. Women understand these things much easier than some men (I did not say all men). I’m sure that if you stopped looking to place blame on someone that you obviously have not taken the proper time and are not capable of being open minded enough to get your mind around the entire concept, you’d find you a good woman. Maybe some straight guys could use a few pointers from us lesbians on how to find a good woman, how to treat her and love her, and ultimately how to keep her. Let me assure you that I, personally, do not hate men. I’ve married two men in my lifetime, one was a drunken idiot, and the other was a really good man, but we just didn’t share a strong enough connection that I feel with my partner now. We’re actually still friends. I do wish you all the best in finding your “good woman”, but perhaps you should try to become a better man first. Everyone on this planet has room for improvement.

      • Excellent response, Lori. I think you were more than fair and that your analysis of Joe is spot-on. I agree, Joe…here’s some advice, “if you wanna change games, change playgrounds” – assuming you don’t understand this, it simply means that if you want a different end result, change the way you approach things and try something new. Try being a guy like the one Lori describes and you might have better luck with straight women. Furthermore, we (lesbians) really aren’t into recruiting. :)

    • Here is a great example of why some lesbians do not like men. Many men just simply do not treat women with the kindness, respect, and compassion that they would want to be treated with.

  5. I can’t believe that in this day and age someone is so closed minded as to believe that it is someone else that is preventing him from having a good relationship. One must look into the mirror first when they are trying to determine what is stopping them from achieving success and not to blame others…

    Woman married to a wonderful woman for over 10 years…

    • Yes, I suspect that Joe’s personality has a lot to do with things, as well. Perhaps it may also have something to do with the lack of knowledge of the world around him? Congratulations to you, Sharon, on over ten years! Someday I hope to find someone I can celebrate ten years with too…and twenty+. :)

  6. Shaun

    With me it’s not hate.. just a strong distrust.. it takes a very long time for me to let a male get to the friend point… and even after that, they sometimes hit on me.. also as a butch..males do like to talk to me like I am one of the guys.. which is good.. but I have only met a handful that do not brag about all of their “side girlfriends” which is just piggish imo… if you truly are an ally with no ulterior motives… stick around, gain trust and be yourself.. we eventually will come around :-)

    • Shaun, I could not agree with you more! I have had many male friends over the years. It seems that at some point, they have all crossed the line and flirted or developed some sort of a crush that made me uncomfortable. I also have encountered the men who cheat on their wives and girlfriends and expect me to be perfectly okay with that. They seem to forget that I AM a female underneath it all. Sigh. I often feel quite alone in the world because most women…even a lot of lesbians, don’t get me and men make me uncomfortable. Being a butch is hard. So anyone who thinks it is a choice is out of the friggin’ minds. No one would choose the hardships and prejudice that we endure, both from straights and even within our own communities. We only fit in with each other. In the company of other butches I feel comfortable…yet every now and then, one of them has to hit on me and freak me out too. (I only am attracted to femmes). It feels very lonely sometimes.

  7. Dont hate men just DO NOT WANT TO SLEEP WITH THEM.

  8. Cali

    I just began following you on twitter (cali_lovebug) which is how I came to your blog…in reply to Steve, as a more feminine lesbian, I do not hate men, I have some very wonderful straight friends but am guarded when a stranger finds out I am gay because in the past I have been harrassed (almost sexually) for it and so I am guarded. With the knowledge of the harrassment lesbians get, I think we (lesbians)develope this instinct to protect eachother from intolerance (often from men) and sometimes this comes off as hate. I cannot speak for everyone though.

    As for Joe, a freak of nature is defined as:
    “a person or animal that is born or grows with abnormal physical features” which I am not
    or also defined an “unusual, unexpected natural phenomenon” and I am pretty phenomenal as most of my lesbian friends so I fly my freak flag high and proud. I love and am loved so you are just an insignificant fly on the wall.

    • First of all Cali, thanks for the follow and welcome to my blog. I hope you get the chance to read and comment frequently and don’t forget to check out my books! That said, I agree with your comment whole-heartedly. There is a sense of protecting each other and ourselves. I’ve been beaten-up badly in the past and verbally harassed frequently. For this reason, my guard is always there and goes up rather quickly, even with other women sometimes because those who don’t understand butch woman can say things that are hurtful and ignorant as well. Keep flying your flag high and proud. I believe with all my heart and soul, just as Steve does, that one day we’ll be able to look back and be proud that these days are over but that we fought the good fight, arm in arm….with pride. I will never hide again.

  9. Jay Tilman aka/ boobookitty

    it is a very complicated matter, I am Butch as in FtM transgender, I am female in body trapped in mind– Some Butch women feel very deeply the unmeasureable gap between who we feel we are and who our world sees us as being… I hit in straight grils with a bold obcession… in the past i was so aware that I could NOT be a man… it hurt, …it hurt a lot. I let my mind wonder through the “what if’s” in life… and the truth in side of ME (not speaking for anyone else) is that I ache and hurt beyond words for the fact that I can not father a child…. I can’t make sperm… I could buy the penis, but the fact is that my ovaries will never make sperm… a penis for a day would be fun I would screw myself silly if i had a partner… but I would feel lost and empty after the fact… I see men with wonderful loving woman in thier lives and I am jealous… I am getting close to 50 yrs now… I have found peace with myself. but there are days it still hurts… so when someoen directs hatered toward you.. who ever they are or for what ever reason it may be… that ‘hate’ is born form some level of hurt… and it may be a pain so deep… they may not even be able to find the reason for themselves.

    • Jay, this is exactly why I’ve tried to tell people that there is a VERY fine line with me in calling myself trans or just very butch. I know EXACTLY the pain you speak of when you say that you couldn’t ‘father a child’. At one time, I wanted children in my life so desperately. I felt the “female biological clock” ticking…yet I had no desire to be pregnant. I wanted my partner to do that…and I could not help make it happen. It made me feel like less of a human being and good for nothing. I have also found peace with myself. I do not actually want to be a man…I realized that it was the “male privilege” that I wanted. I decided that fighting for equality was more important. Rather than change ME, I decided to change the world around me … one person at a time if I had to. This is why I am so vehemently out of the closet and refuse to hide. This is why I don’t care who sees my face and if I am beaten half senseless (again) tomorrow, then I’ll just get someone to take photos and I’ll blog about it in hopes that someone will decide that hate is horrible and change their ways. Sending you a cyber hug, Jay. I care, buddy…I really do. I get it and together I hope we make some people see that we don’t choose this.

      I know you are a Christian, Jay. I feel that we have been given a calling.
      Ephesians 4:1,2 –
      “Then I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; bearing with one another in love.”

  10. Lynne Tull

    What the fuck..I am butch..I dont hate men..That is crap..Men are part of our world..they have choices just like us! that is a dumb fallacy

    • Lynne, while I am glad you don’t hate men…I humbly agree with him. Some lesbians DO hate men and I have seen it be very outward and at other times very veiled but still there. I’d also like to remind that on my boards, I’d prefer if we all talk to each other with respect. I do not think calling something “dumb” or “crap” or using the word “fuck” really gets a point across in a way that comes across as open or intellectually thought-out. It sounds like “hate speech” to be honest, and if I were Steve I would think to myself, “see there’s another one who is angry with men” Let’s all try to think about our responses to each other and try to think of how THEY feel instead of ourselves for a change.

  11. Ricki

    I’m bisexual but before I married, had many negative experiences with butches. I think that many butches are hostile to everyone, including women. They appear to have a huge, psychological chip on their shoulders. When we lived in Portland, OR, in particular, we were surrounded by them. They seemed angry at the world, and emitted an energy that felt angry.

    • lindsey

      Thats because its not possible to present as a masculine woman without being angry, as the way people treat you makes you angry, im more anmgry with women then i am with men, i do get sick of men who see me as competition, as if i would want there straight beach.

      • Lindsey, I hear what you are saying but I don’t really agree with it. Yes…there ARE times that someone gets very offensive and rude to me and I feel angry about it. I’d be lying if I said that things are easy when you are butch. That said, when become more comfortable with yourself and find yourself being a little less defensive right from the start, people tend to be nicer as well. I have MANY male friends and I identify with them and feel very comfortable around them. I don’t hate men at all. I definitely find some of them to be an aggravation because of certain male tendencies…but I certainly do not hate them all for what a few ignorant ones do. Frankly, I know just as many ignorant women that annoy me. Fact is, humor tends to diffuse most situations. I like to infuse some sarcasm where I can to get my point across. The last man I worked with that asked me if he could watch me have sex with my girlfriend, I simply said, “No…but your wife can join if she likes.” He shut up and never said another word to me. I take it with a grain of salt now. I pick and choose my battles. Educate those with an open mind and walk away from those who don’t have one. It simply isn’t worth being an angry person, Lindsey. You only damage yourself.

  12. VeryTrue

    maybe they think that we are going to take their wife away from them.

  13. Tdawgmiami

    OK. I am a str8 male from Miami, I can understand why some butches can be very defensive and stand off ish to males giving there past history and how many stupid guys there are out there. I really do. But not all of us males really see butches as a threat. To be honest we do wonder why a beautiful woman would be with one, but myself, I see it like wow good job! I also get the vibe that lesbians see us as very stupid and that is why we irritate them. I dislike alot of the sarcasm that some butches say in the present of a male because to me it comes off stupid and i ask myself,wow why are you so mad ? and i start feeling kinda bad for them and pity them for having to go there. It kinda pisses me off because they dont even know us and make assuptions and when you assume you make yourself look stupid IMO. I may not be the smartest man in the world or woman, but I do have class and respect. And just how some or most butches view men as stupid and pig headed, I tend to get the same view from the same butch that trys to discredit the man as having any intelligence or restrain with slick remarks as if ” Ha! look at the stupid male, he doesnt even know i am insulting him.” If anything i feel alot more as if butches look at men more like a threat. Again im not saying all i just mean most, at least in Miami it sure does feel that way. I think maybe they just have some kind of gene that repels men to them i dont know?!. So i dont take it personal but just giving yall a perspective from a guy that could care less if a butch is with a girl I’d love to have sex with.I am not a hater. More power to you and whatever the hell floats your boat. Just be a little more sensitive to males that may not be as smart but are respectful because yea i agree it must be really hard being a butch but hey we are all HUMAN BEINGS and we all have ourhardships in life no one’s problems is more important than the next. We all have our struggle. Deal with it in a respectful way and I am sure it will get easier. :-)

  14. Once got verbally abused by a butch lesbian at a taxi rank, it wasn’t nice and i didn’t provoke it at all, i reckon she was just trying to impress her girlfriend at my expense.

  15. susane

    Butch lesbians hate men because men hate lesbians in general (unless the lesbian is attractive).
    Men are the most hateful people on earth. They’re more likely to hate gays, muslims, different races, women, exc.
    If you don’t believe me I could care less. Watch the news, listen when men talk, watch how they act. Some, if not most, men hate a lot of things.
    What people need to understand is men are visual people. If a woman looks like a man by how she dresses (most likely a butch lesbian), men will treat her like one. Have you ever heard “equal rights, equal fights”? If not, go to YouTube and type in, “man fights woman”. Read the comments. Its always from men complaining that the woman in the video is a “man hating, dyke feminist” and “deserves to get punched”. And that’s ONLY because she’s a butch/dyke lesbian.

    If a woman looks like crap, men will treat her like crap. If she’s fat, doesn’t wear enough make up, smells bad, has short hair exc. Not only will men not give her the time of day but will say and do things to the unattractive female that they would NEVER do or say to a pretty lady.

    If a woman is attractive men will treat her EXTREMELY well. Men will love her. Protect her. Respect her. Smile and ask her how her day went. Buy her things. Do favors for her. Make her happy. Marry her. That’s why attractive women are more likely to hate other women, because men will almost always be there for them and so will see all men as good and can do no evil while women are catty and jealous. They’re more likely to reject feminism. How many attractive feminists do you know? Not many because pretty women don’t need it. They’re not “ugly, man haters who’s mad because men don’t want them”. Attractive people are treated better in their families, in school by classmates and teachers, in relationships and in everyday situations.
    Any man who has a pretty daughter will go to the extreme to make her as happy as possible. As with the ugly daughter, he may and will steer her towards getting an education rather than trying to get her ready to be a nice housewife (unless she’s older of course).

    You’re asking the wrong question. It’s not “Why do butch lesbians hate men”? it’s “Why men hate butch lesbians”?
    Answer….Because men LIKE and PREFER the pretty and feminine women. Always have, always will.

  16. Tom

    It seems a lot of butch lesbians want to be men. Is it not quite likley that butch lesbians are actually just men trapped in a female body? Many seem to get hormones , could it be that butchs don’t like men, as masculinity appears to be what their striving for? Being a man when another man comes along with say big mucles strong jaw etc you feel intimidated which leads to dislike.

    • Actually, Tom, speaking as a very butch lesbian….no. I am VERY happy to be female. I could care less about any competitions or ‘want’ to be a man. In fact, if it boils down to muscles and strong jaws alone, I could bench press 210# when I was in high school. I am not intimidated by any of your muscles at all. Frankly, what most of us despise is the typical male attitude that anyone wants to be like you. Men have incredible egos… Most butch women who identify as women are extremely proud to be women and not have the anger management issues, induced by too much testosterone and the male ego combined. Those butches who fall under the line of transsexuals may have some sort of strange jealousy or desire to be you…and testosterone shots typically take care of that…then the lesbians like myself have just as many issues with them and their egos. That said, I don’t hate men…only the ones who INSIST on being assholes.

  17. Mr. K.

    Had to respond to this false statement: . “Attractive people are treated better in their families, in school by classmates and teachers, in relationships and in everyday situations.”

    That’s untrue. At least there are exceptions. Do you realize how jealous some people can get? I look young for my age and men AND women alike hate me for it(and no, I do not brag or try to bring it up, it comes up naturally).

    Good-looking people actually get their “fair share” of hatred from others who are not as they too.

    As long as I’m here I’ll point out that many feminine lesbians are only temporary lesbians, and I know this because I have started arguments between couples when the feminine one smiles at me in a simple passing by on a path, the butch one is angered. Sorry, sister, you “soul mate’s” biology trumps trends and brainwashing.

  18. Paul

    Hi Jesse, I stumbled onto your blog while pursuing a random question,”do lesbians hate straight men” in a general way. I extend my thanks to you and your correspondents for your insights and observations.
    I guess the notion that someone should beat you because you’re a lesbian is just so foreign to me. Why would I (or they) get worked up enough to hit you? I’d be interested to ask you about how the world looks to you, because I don’t have any frame of reference that would allow me to sort of get a handle on your view of the world.
    On a more serious note, have you ever explored the option of arming yourself? Concealed carry is legal in many states; perhaps you can get a permit. Look up “A Girl and a Gun”, they are nationwide and ladies-only firearms instruction. You have, of course, the right to be who and how you want. Being armed would give you a tool to enforce respect for your personal inviolability that sweet reason cannot avail. I can tell you from being a Marksmanship instructor in the Army Reserves, that the weapon has NO idea who is firing it, making both men and women equally deadly. I did have both male and female trainees, and like most anything else; some found they enjoyed shooting and others not.
    Bottom line, you should be able to go and do and be as you wish. Being armed means that you have the ability to force someone to allow you to do so, willingly or not. I have read a quote attiributed to Franklin: “Democracy is two wolves and a lamb debating about what to have for lunch. Liberty is a well-armed lamb contesting the vote.” Even if not true, the saying is.

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